Distractions and Flying Fingers

Well since the last post I have been really busy trying to get everything down on paper. Which is good. VERY good actually.

But I've noticed that it seems like every time I sit down to write, something happens. Whether it's somebody who just happens to drop by or, my favorite, family comes over to see what I'm up to.

The conversations with my mother usually go something like this.

Mom: "What are doing today?" Me: "Oh nothing, you know the usual; housework, laundry, accomplishing a dream..."

To which my mother replies, "Oh that's nice dear." (Points at laundry pile) "I thought you said you did laundry?"

Bangs head against wall....

Or the phone rings and the conversation goes something like this, "Hello? Hey, what's up?"(Pause) "What am I doing?" (Deep breath) "Oh finally getting a chance to write." (Pause) "Yes, it's an important part! The whole thing's important!!"

It's been a struggle to get the doors open in my head so I can actually write and now these other distractions keep creeping up. It's driving me insane!

I know life happens and I have to make time to write, which I am doing finally, but it would be nice if people would realize that I need to treat writing like it's a second job. I have to write as much as I can, when I can do it and right now with the story working I need to write a lot!

How do you handle distractions? Do they bother you as much as mine do? Or am I just overreacting because I'm worried that I'll get out of my groove?

I refuse to let these distractions get in my way though. I have turned my ringer off my phone and have cranked up the music tonight to let my imagination soar.

The only thing that could distract me tonight would be my front door blowing off it's hinges, causing me to have a heart attack over the keyboard.

Here's to pushing through distractions.

The Light Bulb Burneth Bright

Last night I had one of those AHA! moments. The kind that sent me careening out of bed and running to the table for my notebook. Much to the dismay of my cats who were quite comfy on the bed.

I realized that the reason I wasn't getting anywhere with my story was that it needed a boost. I couldn't pin down the right path for my girl because she needed more excitement, she needed me to up the anty for her.

There have been two stories running in my head and I had always viewed them separately but last night it came bounding home to me that those stories shouldn't be two separate stories but one single story. My girl needed the discipline of the men I had in mind for my crime fiction and my crime fiction needed the surprise elements I had in mind for my fantasy.

So wa-la a merging of both worlds. I went to bed the happiest I've been with my story in weeks. All the pieces seem to have finally come together and now I feel like I am heading down the right path. Yippie!!

Well holy smokes and pass the ammunition! My light bulb finally burneth bright! :)

Keep writing!!

Scratching My Head

Ok, so those of you who are following me (thank you, thank you) will know that I started this blog because I was tired of being afraid. I promised myself that I would stop allowing my fear to rule my writing. Finally.

Well after reading over and skipping through some similar blogs to mine I've realized just how many others are like me. Others who are struggling to get that burning idea down on paper, to see that character who has been talking to them for months now come alive on the page.

It's eye-opening and heartening to see so many others in the same struggle. I feel their pain and I hope they push through and write their stories.

But I've recently developed a problem. I think I've given myself too many options in my story. I know the main character and the main antagonist, as well as the world in general but I'm not sure where I want to begin in her story. I've tried outlining it. Didn't help me really. I could only plant the sections in that I knew but the rest I left open.

I know several scenes that I want to write in but I'm not sure which would be the best way to proceed. I mean have I given myself too many options or am I really just suffering a case of the dreaded writer's block? EEEEEEEEEK!! It seems WAY too early for that to me. But I've put those mental blocks in place before so really should I be that surprised?

So where do I go from here? I'm leaning toward just making notes in the book stating something like "she meets X here." Hmmmm

The thing is I want to write this book in order. I want to write everything from beginning to end but there are so many blank pages in my head right now. I thought I knew where she was going but now it's as if she has stopped to take a breather. Maybe that's just as well, maybe I've been forcing her down a road that she doesn't want to go down....

Maybe I've spent WAY too much time with my character these past few days too since now I see her as a separate person, almost.

Naaaaaaaaa.

I'm taking it as a good sign, she's finally come out to play with me and that's always good. Now if only I could get her to make a decision....

Here's to getting that first novel written!

To Outline Or Not To Outline...

My idea has finally reached a stage where I think it has percolated enough. I've gone over some initial details with friends and family and now it's time to outline...or is it?

I've never outlined a story before. I've only used small sticky notes and notebooks to jot down ideas on. Now I'm bursting to write in heavy page numbers but I just can't seem to start without writing a small pathway through the story. But there is a part of me that just doesn't want to do that. It doesn't want to take the time to write a possible outline of what may happen knowing that it could change in the future. Hmmmmm.

So here I sit, staring at a computer screen trying to figure the best way to write my story. Maybe I'm looking at it too seriously. I mean should I really care how I get to the end of my story? All that should matter is the end result. Right?

But I believe that writing should be fun and it is, very much so for me, as long as I slam the door in the face of all my doubts. The idea of an outline just takes a lot of the fun out for me. Some writers swear by outlines, they need it to help them see the story more clearly. But I see this story. I don't know all of what's going to happen but oh do I know enough.

I guess I could try it just to see if it helps but then that nagging voice starts up, "Look at all the time your gonna waste by outlining! You could already be several pages into the story!!" She's a very bossy voice. Blast her but she does have a point.

So once again I ask myself, to outline or not to outline. Hmmmm. I'm thinking start it first then if I get stranded do an outline. I guess if I get stranded I'll know next time to outline from the very beginning.

Suprise Laughter

I love music.

Always have and always will (as the cliche' goes). I love a variety of tunes and my mood controls the tunes. I wanted something upbeat for this post since I had NOTHING in mind for it (bad bad me!) So I headed over for some Benny Benassi and stumbled on a really neat DJ remix.

Now I never read comments, but tonight my eyes skitted across the LONG list of comments and screeched to a halt at the very last one on the page.

I blinked, and blinked again. Then promptly busted out laughing.

Here is the lol comment:

"Dude, He's a DJ. If you give him your email, He's going to give you the -Song- Not a virus. Look at his other vids, you'll see.

Jesus, People can't tell hackers from DJ's these days."

Now we know the hackers dirty plan!! They are going to start disguising themselves as DJ's and take over the Internet, one pc at a time...

Bravo Mr Comment Man. Thanks for the visual of a disgusted face and hands thrown into the air. I mean really what is the world coming to? ;p

Here's to you finding a small slice of unexpected laughter.

Keep writing.

Reading Up

I've spent the last couple of days looking at various publication outlets trying to find homes for my work. I had no idea how many new e-zines there were that take submissions. It was both eye-opening and disconcerting because now I need to narrow those outlets down to a manageable few to submit to.

I've never had anything published professionally before so this new lingo of how much to shoot for and how to submit is BRAND new to me. I feel like I have a huge learning curve to overcome. But I know I'm not the only one wondering the fields of insecurity and confusedom. It's nice to know your not alone.

There are several great websites out there catering to helping writers succeed. I found one just last night that kept me up into the wee morning hours (the bastard, lol). The site allows you to plug in your genre, story length, and a variety of other features to help you narrow the field down.

When I plugged my initial search in I was greeted with a response of "over 300 queries match your search try narrowing your search further". No kidding, ya think? Tried again with a bit more info plugged in and found that I had successfully brought it down to just a hair under 200.

I think it's a pretty useful site. Check it out yourselves. If nothing else it will get you started like it has me.

www.duotrope.com/index.aspx

I also realized while checking out different magazines that maybe my writing isn't so bad after all. I'm not saying I'm the best writer out there or that I'm better than most. Because, lets be honest, there will always be people out there better than you, but I do believe I can make a living at this.

I feel better and less fearful now that I am setting into motion a dream that has been bittersweet for me for years. It's as if with each step I take toward the goal of being a published writer the belief that I can do it grows stronger.

Maybe this is what I needed to do all along. Instead of all the negativity and put down I placed on myself with my fear and loathing, I should have just sucked it up and blew through that wall of problems. Oh well, can't cry over lost time or spilt milk and like I said at the beginning, I'm really tired of being afraid.

Here's to being a published writer.

Giving Back and Getting Involved

I volunteered at a local, no kill, animal shelter here in Saint Louis today. Never done anything like that before, didn't know what to expect either but one step inside the tiny complex where they had some of their dogs and I was hooked.

The group, Stray Rescue, is run by a man named Randy and bless that man because most of their dogs come from severely mistreated beginnings. These dogs are usually (but not all) either feral, fight, or bait dogs. If you don't know what a bait dog is (I didn't either before today) these are the dogs whose legs are tied so that they can not fight back when the fight dogs are allowed to attack them. These are the poor animals who get the "fighters" stirred up before a match.

Horrified doesn't begin to express how I felt when I found this bit of tidbit out. How inhuman can you be to tie a poor animal up so that they can not defend themselves and then let others attack them? It's shameful and I hope the people who do this are caught and punished. If they are doing this to animals how are they treating other humans? They obviously have no respect for life, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. Period.

It broke my heart to see the scars on these dogs and to hear their stories. They can't verbally speak for themselves (even though their physical scars tell their tales) so it's up to us to bring it out for others to know.

Most of these dogs Randy saves himself, from areas that are just as dangerous for him as they are to the dogs. We need more people like Randy in the world. We need to stop thinking so much about ourselves and self interest and start thinking more about others.

I know with the economy as bad as it is that many people are giving up their animals because they can no longer care for them and if you absolutely have to do this PLEASE take them to a no kill shelter. The Humane Society is a wonderful organization but they are NOT a no kill shelter.

I know that this is a blog for writing but after what I saw today and the wonderful dogs I met I couldn't not write about them. They touched me in such a way that I wanted to share some of their stories. Here are just a few:

Hottsie: 2 yo Terrier Mix, Bait Dog

Boris: ? yo Terrier Mix

Tangerine: ? yo Terrier Mix, mother of unknown # of puppies. Neighborhood kids were throwing rocks at her.

Josie: 9 yo mutt, Family rescued her in 2001 (Josie was 1) and just surrendered her on Wednesday.

Billy: ? yo Terrier Mix, Bait Dog

Jewel: Terrier Mix, Katrina Survivor, Been @ shelter for 4+ yrs.

This is just a few of the dogs who were at the shelter where I was. They also have another facility where they house more, and this does not include all the foster animals and those being boarded. It's an amazing operation and it has inspired me to become more involved.

I started this blog to help me overcome my fear of writing, to stretch myself outside of my comfort zone. In pursuing that I had no idea where it would lead me. If today was any indication, I'm in for a great ride.

Research, Research, Research

I went to the bookstore today not to buy a book, (although I ended up buying 1 anyway making my poor wallet sputter in anxiety) but to see if anyone else has a current book out like any of my ideas.

I perused the Fantasy/Sci-Fi section then went over to the Horror section but couldn't find anything like my idea. YAY! It means I have a really unique idea but bad in a way too because then it might be harder to categorize.

But I refuse to let any negativity rain on my parade. I'm taking this as a good sign and one more reason to hurry and get my idea on paper. I need this push because over the last 3 days I haven't written anything except a little something in this blog. I need more writing.
Must write everyday... Must write everyday....

It's my new mantra, write SOMETHING everyday, whether it's a page or a paragraph it's going down on paper. I don't care if it's good or bad, I just want full pages because remember it's probably gonna get rewritten. So.....

Must write everyday......

Write Anything

I've started carrying a notebook with me everywhere I go so that I can jot down ideas that come to me throughout the day. It's small, yellow and fits perfectly in my purse. It's also divided into 3 sections which I like because I have several ideas that have been percolating and this way I can jot down notes according to story ideas. I stumbled on it in a dollar store. Funny how that happens.

I've also started posting sticky notes by my laptop at home. I'll write a question or thought down and stick it up so I can be reminded later what train of thought I was in when I wrote before. It really works and the inspirational quotes help remind me that I'm not alone.

I have a close friend who is now a college English professor and during college when I visited him it was always fun to read the little lines written throughout the apartment. He and all his roommates were English majors and they constantly wrote really thought provoking phrases. Questions like, "If I see a broken line is it really broken or is it just my perception of the line?" My favorite was a broken CD that they had been pasted on the bathroom mirror with a quote. I can't remember what it said exactly but I remember the joy of the uniqueness. Their apartment was always an adventure in literary pursuit.

I don't want to be the next Hemingway. All I want to be is somebody who provides an entertaining and enjoyable read. I don't need (or want really) a Pulitzer Prize or Newberry Award. To be able to make a living by creating the worlds I see in my head and spend time enjoying my family would be pay enough.

A Moment In Rome

Three years ago I spent a semester abroad in Canterbury, England. It was an amazing experience in both the teachers I met and the other cultures I was fortunate enough to experience.

It was during that time that I wrote some of my most reflective pieces. Pieces that I buried inside of a travel journal given to me by my sister as a Christmas present just weeks before I had left. That journal traveled with me all over Europe. I wrote thoughts, ideas, observations and desires in that tiny, hand size book. But when I got home I boxed it up. Essentially closing the door on that time of my life as I got back into the routine of my American life. Occasionally memories would surface from Europe. A smell would cross my nose and I would be reminded of England, of friends and times spent exploring there.

I found that journal a few days ago. The cover was the same, bound in light leather with travel pictures stamped on the front, the most prominent being the Eiffel Tower. Those pictures had never fit that journal because to me they were too fake, too vacationy. But as I opened the journal and began to read I was drenched with memories.

All these wonderful experiences came flooding back to me as I sat and reminisced with that little journal. But there was one memory I didn't need the journal for. It stood out with me as clear now as when it had happened. But as I re-read the entry of "Rome at sunset" it struck me how sometimes we find things; people, places, objects. And those small encounters turn out to be so profound.

Rome was that for me. That magical wonderful city made me feel like a writer. Made my pen fly on the paper each night as I sat looking out over the city. It inspired me and drugged me with its crumbling pastries and decadent ice cream. Its narrow streets hiding beautiful fountains and cozy cafes filled with throngs of people sipping various types of coffee.

Each day there I experienced something new, something unique. From the military boys who waved up to our balcony from their barracks across the street each morning, or the breathtaking sunset I captured in words my last day there, to the tiny ice cream shop just across from the Vatican, it felt magical, otherworldly almost.

That is the only time so far that my muse has stayed with me constantly. For four days in Rome I wrote almost non-stop. By the time I left I had filled almost an entire notebook with short stories. I never tried to get them published, never thought they were really any good. Maybe they aren't but I promised myself that I would stray from my comfort zone. It's time. The journal helped remind me that I have seen my muse before.

For just a moment in Rome.

Here's to you finding your moment.

Petrified Work In Progress

I'm tired of being scared. Tired of sabotaging myself and my creativity for some random stupid reason.

For years now I've complained that if only I had the time, the right software, the correct space, the support, the perfect day, the right idea...blah blah blah.

If it was an excuse I used it. I became very good at deluding myself that one day like a magical announcement from the heavens above the clouds would part, trumpets would blare and my muse whom had never bothered to show before (at least not for long enough periods of time to get me through an entire book, how dare she!) would descend from above and grace me with everything I had ever needed. She would come to me, my finished book in hand no less, smile lovingly at me and then hand me the next New York Times bestseller aka MY book and then ascend back to the clouds until I needed her again. I would then have the entire book ready in my head so I could run to my computer and pour the next great idea onto the screen.

Horse sh*t. Plain and simple.

Writing doesn't work that way. Ask any writer who has been published and they will tell you that the muse doesn't always appear. That most of the time is spent pounding out page after page (with no muse in sight). Pages that will eventually get rewritten, sometimes so much so that the original version is no longer recognizable. The idea that writing comes easily to all writers is wrong. But as a beginning writer it was an idea that I believed for a very long time.

The truth is that I've been scared. Scared that people wouldn't like my idea. Scared that the story wouldn't make sense. Scared I couldn't write. Scared I couldn't get it published (my biggest fear so far, but wait I'm sure I'll find others). Just flat out petrified. And every time I sat down to write, that fear would waltz straight to the front of my brain and that nanosecond of positive thoughts and ideas would slink away.

Just poof.

Gone.

Suddenly that great opening line wasn't so great anymore. The character I loved moments ago suddenly seemed to be lacking something and I would sit sadly looking at the page as my fears eroded any joy in what I wanted to do.

My light bulb moment came though when I read a blog entry from my favorite author Laurell K. Hamilton. In it she gave great tips about writing but one thing struck me. In fact if it had been a 2x4 I might now be dead. She wrote that writer's block was just a lack of self confidence.

I sat speechless for several seconds as I took that little piece of advice in. A lack of self confidence? Me?! No way! I had always been able to discuss my opinions and ideas, sometimes more than those around me wished, so how could I have self confidence issues?

But as I sat there digesting what she had wrote I realized it was true. All my fears and doubts were just me dealing with my own issues about writing. I had been shooting myself in the foot for years and didn't realize it.

So I've vowed to purposely write things that scare me, make me uncomfortable, things that set me so far outside my comfort zone that my inner voice sits whimpering in the corner. Because I'm tired of stifling my creativity (knowingly or unknowingly). And I'm really tired of lacking self confidence....